My Conversation with Netfirms Live Chat

Determined to get to the bottom of the controversy surrounding what you actually get with the Netfirms grid hosting (see my Netfirms review), I composed a small list of questions and logged into their live chat. What follows is the exact transcript interspersed with my commentary.

Welcome to the Netfirms Live Sales Chat! A Sales Representative will assist you shortly.
You are now chatting with ‘Elisa’

Hooray!  Connected right away!

Elisa: Hello, thank you for contacting us. How may I help you today?

Paul: Do the various hosting plans have escalating compute cycles? Does Advantage have more than Plus, for instance, and Business more than Advantage?

There is now a long wait.  I assume she is looking up information. 

Elisa: I’m sorry for the delay. I’ll be right with you.

Paul: ok

I wait awhile and then decide that I’ll play Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook while I wait.  The wait drags on through several games.

Elisa: I will be right with you.

Paul: ok

I go back to playing.  Several more minute pass.  Hey!  I scored 70,000!

Elisa: Thank you for waiting. I’ll be with you in just a moment.

Paul: ok

I’m getting bored with Bejeweled Blitz, although it is better than trying to concentrate while waiting or just waiting.  I keep playing…

Elisa: I’m sorry for the delay. I’ll be right with you.

I don’t respond this time because I’m in the middle of a game.  When the game ends, I notice the little message saying that she is actually typing!  I’m about to get my response.

Elisa: yes that is correct

I am filled with hope now.  They have just confirmed that their CPU usage allotment escalates as you move up in plans.

Paul: Can you give me an idea of how it scales, like compute cycles per plan?

There is a bit of a wait, but I don’t start playing again.  She is gathering the specifics and, soon, all my questions will be answered.

Elisa: I am not understanding the question
Elisa: I do not know what you mean by computer cycles
Elisa: ?

Hope begins to plummet.  How did we go from “yes that is correct” to “I am not understanding the question?”  Anyway, perhaps they simply use different terminology here and my helpful host isn’t up to speed enough to translate.  I’ll give some help:

Paul: Well, with shared hosting, for instance, you can only use so much of the server that you are on. You have to have some limit to the amount of computing a user can use, right?

A long wait.  I go back to playing Bejeweled Blitz.

Elisa: I will be right with you.

Paul: ok

My enthusiasm is waining.  I score 1500 points on Bejeweled Blitz.

Elisa: Thank you for waiting. I’ll be with you in just a moment.

Paul: ok

I begin to feel my life being drained from me, sucked out in endless and pointless endeavors.  I am Sisyphus.  We are all Sisyphus, doomed to an eternity of pushing our boulders up a hill only to see them roll back down again. 

Elisa: yes that is correct
Elisa: the limit that we offer per plan

Paul: ok

From where do we get the strength to go on?  I begin to quest for meaning in life.

Elisa: I will be right with you.

Paul: ok

I am Josef K from Kafka’s existential novel The Trial.  I wait dutifully but don’t know why or what for.

Elisa: Is there anything else I can help you with today?

Paul: no, that’s good.  Thanks